I can hardly remember the look of my own eyes

It's 8am and I haven't slept. I feel like I'm going insane. I keep listening to Save Me by Shinedown over and over. I feel like I'm going to have an anxiety attack. Something is consuming me. I fucked up yesterday. I ate nothing but garlic pizza all day. I had 6 fucking slices and a handful of gummi bears.  I look at food and I hate it, the same way an addict secretly hates their drug. You hate it but you can't refuse it, you hate what it's doing to you and how weak it makes you.

I swear I'm only eating dinner today and that's it. Nothing else but water. I'm only eating dinner so no one will say anything about me not eating.

My clothes are tight, I look horrible. I feel horrible.

I need to be free and light. I feel so heavy and fat and ugly.

I swear days are just starting to morph into one big day. I don't sleep anymore.

I was going insane yesterday. The internet was out all day and all I wanted to do was eat. I had no kind of support at all. I was literally like an addict trying to resist a drug. I think I managed to do alright. I'll find out tomorrow if I lost any weight. I don't feel like I have. I feel so disgusting. 

I'll do a proper introduction at another time. I'm not in the mood right now. I'm sick. How horrible is it that I'm enjoying it because I can't eat? It's an excuse not to eat and an excuse to vomit even if I do eat. All I've had today is a can on Ginger Ale. I feel like shit but I hope a few more days of this will really drop some of this fat.